Excellent Orgy


I leave the television on at all times so that everyone at the orgy is entertained through-out.

I have learnt this the hard way.

One time, I was thoroughly enjoying an arse when I looked up and saw a guest awkwardly patting the backs of two strangers going at it, hammer and tongs, and looking like he didn’t know how to confidently become engrossed. And I saw one young lady check her phone during a particularly robotic doggy style performance from a plump man staring fixedly at a spot on the wall. I began to think that maybe the sensual background music wasn’t enough. Maybe I could put on an informative wildlife documentary with the subtitles on, so that no one has to suffer their own inner void during these group activities. Then I realised I was thinking so much about this, when I should have been thoroughly enjoying the splendid arse.

After this latest group fest, I wake up to a note on the dining room table. It said:

“Congrats on your excellent orgy.

We were properly catered for thank you!

I liked the swan documentary XOXO.”

It was definitely time to formalise and monetise my services. But then you have to deal with those blasted reviews peppered with poor writing and subjective marking. Still. Money is money and I could no longer justify the television license unless payment terms were upgraded. I would now charge, invest proceeds to improve things and take cards. I’m no longer taking token cash from those hands that have been…well…everywhere.
I opened up my laptop to read my latest review, for this I always need a strong cup of coffee and I make sure I am near my library of books to remind myself that while I allow indulgence of an animal kind in my home I am not an animal but highly educated. Unlike some of my clients. But there is no judgement from me on such things. The only (pointless) judgement is the one I am about to read.

Following your recent stay with Master Chains ‘n Whips please complete this short questionnaire. Your information will help Master Chains ‘n Whips to improve their offering and others to know what to expect when booking with Master Chains ‘n Whips.

Rate the following 1 = Disappointing, 2 = Acceptable, 3 = Outstanding

3 Sexual gratification
3 Pain
2 Respect
3 Quality of equipment
3 Cleanliness
3 Overall experience

Would you recommend Master Chains ‘n Whips to others?

Like. Yeah. A really great experience. It was all exactly what we expected but in an unexpected way because, like, you know it is never the same twice. We had a good sized group (haha, in every sense!) and we we’re all up for it (I know, I know, I am in the wrong job man!).

I gotta say that, despite the new toys and the refurb to the playroom the addition of the tv being on was, like, really cool. You know those moments when you’re like ‘ummm?’ Well they just, like, weren’t even a thing because there was something to take your gaze. You know? And not every meat in the room is like a visual feast so it helps!

Yeah, I mean, this wasn’t our first time here and I know it won’t be our last. One of our group liked it so much they’re still there, like, I didn’t expect that to happen you know!? Because normally they don’t like people to stay on after. You know? So I was kind of like ‘oh, ok’ but it’s cool. I guess I’m just a little jealous or something, that’s why I’ve only rated 2 on respect. I feel a bit disrespected by that. You know?

Oh, yeah, my girl asked me to say its rad that it’s all gone cashless now. Much easier. Right? Yeah. Covid does do us some favours! Handy that they’re taking Amex too right, cos we’re trying to build up our points.

You hope everyone at the orgy is as blind as you are, you hope that everyone forgets equally, you hope that the body parts you saw that day don’t show up sporadically in your life, like poisonous fungi does, one leg here at the grocery store, another arm there at daycare, an eye stretched and a pair of lips drawn thin on your taxi drive home. Over my years of committing this worldly and definitely collectivist sacrilege, I saw at least twenty, perhaps more on the TV, but fifty also once, and this city has a population of one million, so I’m not nearly through with everyone. I never really enjoyed the night unless I felt, with some particular stranger in some particular position relative to everyone else in the room, with somebody else’s hands chaining me to humanity, that we were alone.