The dictionary defines it as the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something or someone, which is mostly how Maud feels about most of life, but sometimes it slips into apathy: a lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.
She browses life for points of interest, she knows what it is to be interested, she knows what she is interested in, in theory, but she can’t find anything to hold onto, anything to get lost with. She likes the idea of bits and pieces of the world, but really she could take or leave them, if pushed, if someone said they were going to disappear.
But she knows that this is the task of life, to find something of interest and pursue it, so she continues to browse, image search, initiate chats, flick through miscellaneous film footage and save gifs of dogs on her phone. She is trying.
She is waiting, maybe, asking others to offer something worthwhile.